Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
