What a fucking waste of an outfit
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
