This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
