I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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