I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
