So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
