This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
