I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
