if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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