so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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