come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
