You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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