A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
