Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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