Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My ass is underappreciated
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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