also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just had sex bonerless
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
