Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
