that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
