Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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