I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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