About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
