can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
