What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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