you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
