yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
