How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
