The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
