Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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