note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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