Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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