Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
