Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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