By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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