he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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