I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
