I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
