judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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