Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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