Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
