I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
