I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
