I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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