took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I intend to get homeless drunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
