i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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