its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
