There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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