she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
