Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
