just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
