Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
