Kiss
Puke
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
