I heard we made out
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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