This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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