woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
